Stupid Shirt
by RiYuYami
Summary: When you’re an eightmonth pregnant male alchemist and all you have in your closet is a skintight red shirt, what do you do? You try and kill the one who knocked you up. Note! Does not really involve killing. RoyEd mpreg


Well, this is one very random idea for a one-shot mpreg with Roy and Edward. Like most of my stupid and yet oh-so popular mpreg stories, the idea came from…

Out of fucking nowhere.

I have no idea why I though of this silly little idea, but it might be because of the Roy/ Ed mpreg I've been reading, and that is some fine ass stuff right there. So anyway... I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, if I did, I would have had Envy killed earlier and Greed would have lived because I like Greed. And Roy would have screwed Ed silly and Havoc would have a bigger roll.

AL is human in this by the way and Edward still has his automail.

Summery: When you're an eight-month pregnant male alchemist and all you have in your closet is a skin-tight red shirt, what do you do? You try and kill the one who knocked you up.

On with the fic.

Ed: Wait a minute… you made me pregnant?!

Yes, and do you have a problem Ed?

Ed: Yeah! You're making me look fat!

Just shut up and go do the world a major favor by get screwed by Roy.

Ed: … Yes madam! (Runs off to find Roy)

--

**Stupid Shirt **

**© RiYuYami**

**One-shot mpreg **

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"Oh you got to be kidding me…"

Those are the words anyone would say if the only shirt that they had left that was clean was a single red skin-tight shirt in which it would only look good on someone with a small waist and a flat stomach. Well, I don't have that, at least not anymore. No thanks to one Roy Mustang for causing me to look the way I do now. Fucking Bastard of a sex machine.

Turns out I, Edward Elric the Fullmetal Alchemist, can get pregnant. Yep, thanks to a sick joke played by the oh-so fantastic Gate, I got the whole inside package for carrying a kid, just can't give birth 'that' way though, thank God. That would be weird.

It all kind of started around eight months ago…

--

"_Roy, I have no idea why, but it seemed a little weird to have sex in your office without a condom…" I spoke softly so no one would over hear us speaking to each other out in the court yard. Roy laughed and looked down at me, God I hate being… I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT! Anyway, after a few times in the sack with protection, me and Roy decided that we were cleaned and we chose to try out sex with out a condom. I later found out that there are problems that only the Trojans could solve, stupid Greeks. _

_Okay, so about two months after our monkey love making in the office and after we scared the living shit and soul out of Havoc, Breda, and Fuery I went to see a doctor… actually Roy and Al DRAGGED me to the office while I was behind, kicking and screaming about not seeing no God damn doctor and wanted to kill them both with my automail arm. _

_Turns out a week after the whole office romance thing, I started to hurl in the morning and I was just feeling like shit all day and it was worrying me, but what got me even more scared was the fact that I constantly craved the one thing I hated more then my father or the homunculi; milk. It was awful, and yet I wanted more of it! Then there were my sleeping problems. I slept at work and at one point, Hawkeye woke me up (and kept me up all day) by placing her cocked gun right at my forehead. _

_She is the scariest yet nicest woman you could ever met, and Roy was to afraid to ever say anything that might just set her off course by a single inch, mostly when he skips doing his paperwork until the last minute, explains the many a bullet holes in the office. Back to the story, when we got there, and Roy had a death grip on my metal arm, and I sat there, thinking of horrible and hilarious ways to torture the man I love and the brother I care for. _

_I also doodled a __flamel_ _on my shoe with a pen I stole… I mean borrowed from the receptionist while Roy was talking to her to get me a doctor and quick. _

_The doctor came out, she was some nice lady named Dr. Kurcka and she examined me and all that other crap that doctors do. And when I told her all that was wrong with me, she made me take off my shirt, which Roy almost snapped at her with his gloves but Al stopped him. She was pushing on my stomach until she hit under the navel. _

_That hurt like hell. _

_She then put on a stethoscope and said that she was trying to hear for something to rule out if the hard bump was a tumor and she blushed and was surprised at what ever it was that was there. _

"_What, what is it Dr. Kurcka?" I asked, not liking that smile she had on her face. _

"_Edward Elric, you are the first male in known history to be… pregnant." _

_Well, you can probably guess how I reacted. After my little 'performance' as Roy called it, Dr. Kurcka told us that she was an alchemist and that she just guessed my new found uterus was a alchemic rebound from a fail test or something, it was either that or I was fucked up when I came out of the gene pool. _

_She said that if I started to show in any of the coming three weeks, I was eight weeks at that time, then it would be proof. Boy I wish I never asked why I would how that early because she told me that because of my thin stomach and… height it would be easy for me to show. I sliced her desk in half with my automail blade. Luckily she was a state alchemist in plants so she fixed it, but I think I scared everyone in that room. _

--

So I did start to show and my cravings got worse, ramen cooked in milk with apple slices mixed in was a constant favorite of mine and still is. I don't know who threw up more, me in the morning or Roy when he saw my 'creations.' There are two good things about this pregnancy, 1) I'm going to have a child which is something I've wanted since I was little and 2) I got horny real easily and Roy had no trouble with that

Well, Winry was please with the pregnancy, as was all my female friends and my teacher, though she hit me for not telling her as soon as I found out and she kicked Roy because she felt like it. The guys… lets just say that Havoc would run out of the room every time I simply passed by.

So back to what I was stating before I ranted, I found I only had on clean shirt left that Winry got me the last time I went to my home town, not that it was an ugly shirt or anything (Actually, it was a very nice and comfortable shirt to say the least) but because it was a stretch shirt, it would show off my eight-month stomach. "Damn it, I wish I didn't wait until yesterday to wash the clothing. I could have done them a few days earlier and then I would have some other shirts to wear, fuck."

I heard laughter coming from the door way and I turned. I saw the Bastard who knocked me up standing there with a smirk on his sexy face. "I see that you are a little angry right now, I'll come back later." He kicked something in the hallway that made a thump against the wall.

"What did you just kick?"

"Nothing." I noticed that he was looking at me. I was shirtless, my hair was still damp from my shower, my jeans (which I stole from Roy) were unbuttoned, and I had no socks on, how the hell that man could still find my huge body attractive is beyond me and all the science in this whole universe.

I pulled the shirt off the hanger and the red cloth smacked Roy out of his stupor. "Stop looking pervert." I pouted.

I know he loves to look at me when I change, never bothered me in the least, but hen I was around six months and three pants sizes bigger, I started to get more… protective of my looks. I didn't like Roy walking in and playing while I tried to change like we use to, when he tried to now, it made me feel like he was just doing it to make me feel sexy, which I lost but will soon regain.

As I turned from him, I expected some smart ass comment about me or something but it never came. He turned me around and kissed me softly. As I looked up at him, he smiled at me. "I can never stop looking. Quiet trying to hide that beautiful mass from me and the world and just let it out. Everyone already started to know when you screamed and bitched about being knocked up in the cafeteria at work." He kneeled down a kissed my stomach, only to get a good kick from the baby. Good kid, I'm giving you a ten sens allowance when you're old enough.

But the Bastard had a point. People did know when I screamed it at lunch when I was five months along when the guys and Hawkeye were wondering what was up with me. Everyone was very quiet the rest of the day and I was red for a whole week. I sighed and bonked him on the head with my human hand.

He just got up and picked up the shirt and handed it to me. I put it on and saw my self in the mirror, it didn't seem **so** bad. Roy kissed me on the cheek, saying I made the right chose and he walked off, as I saw him leave, I saw what he had kicked a few minutes earlier.

A laundry basket with all my shirts and other clothing.

Stupid shirt.

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I was thinking off actually doing a story with this, but that only depends if I think it is a good idea and if you guys would like that. But I have a lack of FMA fans and it makes me sad to think that I might not see if anyone would like to read it. Crap.

Review or I'll go mad Edward on your asses. (Smiles evilly)


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